Why is it hard to do things we know we should do?

There are lots of things we should just "do".  Go to the gym.  Not eat late at night.  Stop swearing.  Whatever.  There are lots of things we know we should do, but it's hard.  Someone looking from the outside might not think it's hard.  But it is.  

Change is a strange creature.  Sometimes it's a blast - like moving into a new house.  Sometimes it super sucks - like getting up early to get your butt to the gym.  

But in all cases, change takes motivation, but it also requires courage & optimism.  Two things I usually have, but not today.  Some days in the change journey will be difficult.  Courage and optimism will wax and wane.  But I think it's helpful to identify the days we're weak in that courage and optimism.  You can still be dedicated and motivated toward your change, but that motivation doesn't mean you can do it.  

Think of it this way: to change, I MUST believe in these statements:

1) I believe I can change (courage).

2) I WANT this change (motivation).

3) I believe that this change will improve my life (optimism).

For me today, I'm super struggling with #1 and #3.  I know something needs to change, so I feel motivated to make the change-- #2 done.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I believe the change is going to make my life worse for a while, but eventually better.  Today, the glass is not 1/2 empty or 1/2 full; there are 4 oz of water in the glass.  But to really get moving on this change, I need the true emotional commitment.  I think we all do - we need to be emotionally invested in that long-term future state, and look past the pains of the short-term struggle.

And even though I really want this change in my life, I'm not entirely sure I have the strength to do this.  As I said, it's going to be a mess for a while.  It's going to make my life harder first, and eventually easier.  

W. Bridges, Managing Transitions

William Bridges has a framework around transitions.  He says that you have to let go of what's going on now, and that can be really really challenging.  Then, once you finally let go, it takes a while (neutral zone) to re-establish patterns - to figure out how to do things again.  Then finally you set those patterns in the new beginning.

For another model of Bridge's framework, see: http://selfleadership.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/transition1.jpg

So here I am.  I can see that I have to let go, and I simply don't have the courage to do so.  I can't see past the immediate dangers to see the long-term benefits.

This happens all the time in organizations.  We can get people on board with the idea or business case for the change, but then we see them standing on the edge, and they just can't seem to make the leap.

How can we get them to jump?  How can we give them the courage and the optimism?

Just Jump In!

Unconcious Change

Have you ever made a change without thinking about it?  Here's an example (since my brain is focused on changing language).  My parents say "garbage" - as in, "toss the paper in the garbage".  I say "trash" - as in "toss the paper in the trash".  I am sure I said "garbage" as a kid, but now I always say "trash".  I guess it doesn't matter which you say, because they're both grammatically correct and you're getting your point across. 

But I wonder--

When did I make this change, and why!?  If I did it on purpose, perhaps I could have learned from that experience.  I could apply the same principles to switching from "s#!t" to "bah!" (or whatever).

The funny thing about language (at least, your first language) is, you don't really think about it.  Thoughts get translated to words with little effort put into the words themselves.  It's hard to turn that part of the brain on - the part that manages the WORDS.  

This is the way my brain works (I think):

Dropping a bunch of papers onto a wet, dirty floor --> very bad --> express anger --> expletive
...So now I need to find a way to consciously address this unconscious translation.  And it's a huge pain.

This brings me back to mental models.  If you haven't read the literature on mental models, you should.  It's interesting.

But I think I have a mental model in operation here between [very bad --> express anger --> expletive].  That is, I have a deeply rooted thought process that says: the way I express anger quickly, efficiently, and effectively is to utter a single word or phrase.  Everyone will know by this single word or phrase the extent to which I am mad.  Hence, I will have expressed the appropriate amount of anger.  My mental model may not be "correct", but it's the way my brain is processing the world around me.  Seriously - go read about mental models.  Links at the bottom.

So do I just need a new vocabulary?  Will this new vocabulary be as effective at expression?

I'd love to hear examples from you.  Have you changed certain words or phrases on purpose?  How did you approach your change?  Any thoughts on mental models?




Mental Models - GO READ!
http://www.tcd.ie/Psychology/other/Ruth_Byrne/mental_models/
http://www.lauradove.info/reports/mental%20models.htm

Learn. Learning. Learned.

What does it mean to "learn"?  How do you know if you've "learned" something?  And just because you've "learned" something, can you do it?

Here's the thing: When I watch TV, I always opt for History, National Geographic, Discovery, or Science channel - because I'm a real nerd like that.  And when my boyfriend asks what I'm doing, I'll say I'm learning.  Because when I watch these shows, I'm learning about volcanoes or synesthesia or butterflies or whatever.  But just because I've watched a really interesting program, I am not now a geologist, psychologist, or botanist.  I can't do anything with that new knowledge except win trivia challenges.

...So have I really not learned anything?  

When I take a class and learn a new skill that is useful and applicable, I have no trouble saying "I learned this skill".  I can also look back on times in my life (hello! first job!) and say, "I learned a lot".  But if you said, what did you learn and how did you learn it?  I'm a little stuck.  Think about your own experiences.  At what point can you really, truly say "I learned X."?

I really grapple with this word, "learn".  I hate it because it's ambiguous and vague.  It doesn't tell the whole story.

So I ask you, readers, if there are any of you out there: what does it mean?  How do you KNOW if you have learned something?  What does it mean to learn something?